Why You Numb When Telling Your Trauma Narrative: Understanding, Pros, Cons, and How to Work Through It

Childhood trauma leaves a lasting impact, and one of the ways it affects people is by making it difficult to talk about what happened. If you've ever tried to share your trauma story and felt like you just couldn’t connect with your emotions—or worse, you felt nothing at all—you are not alone. This phenomenon, called “numbing,” is quite common among those who have experienced trauma. But understanding why this happens, its pros and cons, and how to work through it can help you navigate this challenge on your journey toward healing.

What is Numbing?

Numbing is a coping mechanism that your mind and body might adopt when faced with painful memories or overwhelming emotions. It’s like an emotional shield that helps protect you from feeling the full intensity of your trauma. For many survivors, telling their trauma narrative (the story of what happened to them) can bring up all sorts of emotions—sadness, anger, shame, confusion, and fear. The mind often responds to this by shutting down, making it hard to feel or express those emotions. It’s like your brain hits a pause button to protect you from the pain.

Why Do We Numb When We Tell Our Trauma Story?

To understand why numbing happens, let’s first look at the effects of childhood trauma on the brain. When you experience trauma, your brain gets stuck in a “survival mode” known as the fight-or-flight response. This is an automatic reaction to danger that can keep you safe in the moment. But when trauma is ongoing or unresolved, the brain might stay in that state for a long time, making it harder for you to process your emotions or experiences fully.

When you try to talk about your trauma, it might trigger those old survival instincts. The part of your brain that controls emotions, called the amygdala, might overreact, making you feel too overwhelmed to process the feelings you’re having. As a result, your brain might "shut down" to protect you from becoming emotionally flooded.

This is where numbing comes in. It's the mind’s way of saying, “This is too much for me to handle right now.” It can feel like you're disconnected from your emotions, almost like watching your story from the outside, without being able to feel what you’re saying. You may find yourself going through the motions of telling the story, but it might not feel real. The emotional response just isn’t there, and you might even wonder if you’re doing something wrong or if you’re broken. But numbing is a natural defense mechanism.

The Pros of Numbing

At first glance, numbing might seem entirely negative, but it can have some benefits, especially in the early stages of trauma recovery. Let’s break down some of the reasons why numbing can serve as a protective tool:

1. Emotional Protection

When you're in the midst of trauma or just starting to process it, your emotions can be overwhelming. If you were to feel all of them at once, it might feel like too much to bear. Numbing helps you manage the intensity, allowing you to function in your daily life without being constantly flooded by overwhelming feelings.

2. Preventing Re-traumatization

Sometimes, revisiting the details of trauma can re-trigger the same feelings of fear, helplessness, or distress that you experienced at the time. Numbing can help you avoid re-traumatizing yourself by offering a buffer between the past and present.

3. Enabling the Healing Process

Healing from trauma is a long journey. Numbing gives you the emotional distance you might need to slowly work through the trauma without breaking down at every step. It can provide a kind of pause, allowing you to process the trauma bit by bit rather than all at once.

4. Giving Time to Build Coping Skills

Numbing might create space for you to develop new coping strategies, such as therapy or self-care practices, without becoming emotionally overwhelmed. It’s like a temporary solution until you’re ready to confront and feel your emotions in a healthier way.

The Cons of Numbing

While numbing might offer short-term relief, it can also have some serious drawbacks over time. Let’s take a look at the downsides:

1. Difficulty Connecting with Emotions

The most obvious downside of numbing is that it can make it harder to connect with your emotions. Over time, numbing can prevent you from fully processing your trauma and may even result in emotional detachment from other parts of your life. This disconnection can make it harder to feel joy, love, or even sadness, creating a sense of emotional emptiness.

2. Impact on Relationships

If you’re numb when you talk about your trauma, it can also affect your relationships with others. Friends and family members may not understand why you’re not reacting to your emotions, and they might feel like you’re shutting them out. This can lead to feelings of isolation, making it more challenging to form meaningful connections.

3. Avoiding Healing

Numbing might prevent you from fully engaging with your trauma, which means it could delay the healing process. The longer you avoid or numb your feelings, the harder it becomes to confront and heal from the trauma. Eventually, unresolved emotions might resurface in unhealthy ways, such as anxiety, depression, or even physical health problems.

4. Increased Stress and Anxiety

While numbing can provide temporary relief, it doesn’t solve the underlying issue. Ignoring or suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, or even PTSD symptoms. It might feel like you're avoiding pain, but the emotional weight will still be there, waiting to be dealt with later.

How to Work Through Numbing and Start Healing

If you’ve been numbing your trauma, it’s important to know that it’s okay to take things slowly. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s normal to feel resistant or disconnected when revisiting painful memories. However, there are steps you can take to begin working through the numbing and move toward healing:

1. Recognize the Numbing

The first step in working through numbing is acknowledging that it's happening. If you’re finding it hard to connect with your emotions while talking about your trauma, simply recognizing that numbing is a defense mechanism can help you feel less alone or confused. It’s not your fault; it’s your mind trying to protect you.

2. Allow Yourself to Feel

You might be afraid that if you start feeling your emotions, you won’t be able to stop. But healing requires you to experience and process those feelings. Start by allowing yourself to feel in small doses. If you’re telling your trauma narrative and start to feel numb, pause and check in with yourself. Ask, “What am I feeling right now?” Even if the answer is “nothing,” it’s okay. Over time, you can begin to reawaken your emotions and start processing them.

3. Work with a Therapist

Talking to a therapist can be incredibly helpful in unpacking your trauma and the numbing response. Therapists are trained to guide you through the process, creating a safe environment for you to explore your feelings and your story. Techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or trauma-focused CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can help you confront and process the trauma without becoming overwhelmed.

4. Take Care of Your Body

Emotional numbness can also affect your body. Practicing mindfulness, engaging in breathing exercises, or participating in physical activities like yoga can help you reconnect with your body and emotions. When you’re feeling numb, it can be helpful to focus on grounding techniques—things that bring you back to the present moment, such as paying attention to the feel of the ground beneath your feet or noticing the sensations in your body.

5. Find Safe Ways to Express Yourself

Sometimes it’s hard to speak about trauma directly, especially when you're feeling numb. Writing in a journal, creating art, or engaging in other creative outlets can provide a safe space for your emotions to flow. Writing letters to yourself or to the people involved in your trauma can be a way to express feelings that you can’t yet verbalize.

6. Be Patient with Yourself

Healing is a long journey, and you don’t need to rush it. Be patient with yourself as you work through the numbing process. Every step you take, no matter how small, is progress. It’s okay to take breaks and come back to it when you’re ready. You don’t have to go through this alone—reaching out for support from friends, family, or a therapist can make a huge difference.

Final Thoughts

Numbing when telling your trauma narrative is a natural response to overwhelming pain, but it’s important to recognize that it doesn’t have to control your healing journey forever. By understanding why it happens, accepting the pros and cons, and taking small steps to reconnect with your emotions, you can begin to work through it. Healing from childhood trauma takes time, but with patience, support, and self-compassion, you can move toward a place of emotional safety and peace.

If you’re struggling with numbing or trauma, remember that you are not alone. There are people and resources out there who can support you as you work through your story at your own pace.

At Donovan Individual and Family Counseling Services, Inc., we provide healing through compassion, trust, EMDR, and partnership

www.scottdonovanlmft.com 760-961-5370